I Once Cracked a Joke in Silicon Valley, but my ‘Stoic’ Boss Was Offended
Your Not So Stoic Guide to Stoicism
Apparently, according to my Silicon Valley boss, ‘to conquer the day’ did not mean to dress like a Spartan to work.
He fired me.
Not very stoic of him, is it?
But what does stoic mean?
The definition that this term acquired over time is very different from what the school of thought it refers to originally professed.
Nowadays, to say that someone is stoic means that they endure pain and never talk about it. Or it is used to describe someone who doesn’t show or express their feelings.
But originally Stoic refers to the ancient Greek philosophical school founded by Zeno of Citium.
Zeno was a merchant who suffered a shipwreck on his way to Athens.
When he made it to shore, he passed by a bookseller where he got introduced to philosophy. This event positively changed his life. He went on to found Stoicism.
Zeno’s school focused on controlling our reactions to external events through a comprehensive logical and ethical system.
It was the only time a shipwreck, and not philosophy, was the reason behind someone’s ruin.
A basic tenet of Stoicism is to focus on what we can control, aka on our judgment and reaction towards external events because those we don’t have control over.
Unless, of course, you don’t subscribe to it. In which case, ancient Stoics would have lashed out at you, and called you names. Don’t believe me? Check this quote out from Diogenes Läertius (I’ll invite you for coffee if you manage to pronounce the name without Googling it):
Some, indeed, among whom is Cassius the Sceptic, attack Zeno on many accounts, saying first of all that he denounced the general system of education in vogue at the time, as useless, which he did in the beginning of his Republic. And in the second place, that he used to call all who were not virtuous, adversaries, and enemies, and slaves, and unfriendly to one another, parents to their children, brethren to brethren, and kinsmen to kinsmen; and again, that in his Republic, he speaks of the virtuous as the only citizens, and friends, and relations, and free men, so that in the doctrine of the Stoic, even parents and their children are enemies; for they are not wise.
Not convinced? Doesn’t matter. Here are some more examples. This time how the Stoics calumniated Epicurus, founder of the Epicurean school, to attempt to tarnish his reputation. This is what they did:
But Diotimus, the Stoic, was very hostile to him [Epicurus], and calumniated him in a most bitter manner, publishing fifty obscene letters, and attributing them to Epicurus, and also giving him the credit of the letters, which generally go under the name of Chrysippus.
In other words, if these ancient Stoics were alive today, they’d be on Twitter attempting to defame anyone who doesn’t subscribe to their philosophy. THAT is something I’d be interested in following.
The Stoics, among other things, as I previously mentioned, strove to evaluate their judgments and reactions to external events. We can’t control externals, they argued. At best we can control what we think of them, how we evaluate them, and how we choose to react to them.
In the case of Zeno, he chose not to feel bad about the (alleged — but it doesn’t matter because the point still stands) shipwreck and decided to consider it an opportunity to start something new.
Another example that is often given (Ward Farnsworth) is that of an insult. If I call you names on Twitter, in and of itself the insult isn’t thaaaat bad, according to the Stoics.
YOU decide to be offended by it and react accordingly. However, if you train yourself rationally to become aware of this process, your behavior will become different. Chances are you might decide to just ignore me and move on.
Now if you’ve been studying all your life to get into Med or Law school, and you don’t make it. A Stoic would most probably tell you: ‘shit happens. You should’ve had other plans because you can’t control the committee’s decision or the strength of other applications. Unless, of course, your parents are big donors, in which case you would’ve definitely gotten in.’
Now a joke. A Stoic joke to be more exact.
But you might find it offensive. Remember, though, if it offends you, it’s because of your judgment of the joke, not because of the joke itself. Instead, try changing the way you react to it.
On another note, after I was fired from my job because I donned a Spartan outfit, I applied to other companies and was finally able to get an interview. It went really great.
As we were wrapping it up, one of the interviewers asked me if there was anything I liked them to know.
To which I replied: Yes, Zeno was in his 90s (although other accounts say he was in his 70s), when he tripped and broke his toe. So he thought that was a sign from nature and strangled himself to death.
They didn’t know what to say, showed me to the door and I never heard back from them.
They say philosophy helps you live a good life.
I think this is indubitably true. Because chances are you’re at home, reading books, talking with yourself, thinking, all alone, no friends. No life basically. You have to try really really hard to mess it all up.
This happened to me. All it took was a Stoic joke to end up unemployed. Maybe I should’ve gone all Stoic at the manager by calumniating him as the ancient Stoics did to Epicurus?
On a more serious note, I’ve always wondered why the Stoics are more popular today than many other schools, ancient or otherwise.
Some say it is because they peddle a system that is more concrete and practical. But other philosophers do that too, not many, but they do exist.
Here’s what I think is going on: it all boils down to branding and marketing!
Think about it for a second. Chances are you’ve never heard of Epicurus before, but for sure you heard of the Stoics. Why? Consider this:
Epicurus’ disciples called themselves Epicureans (o the simps).
Whereas Zeno’s disciples called themselves Stoics instead of Zenoists.
Marcus Aurelius, the Roman emperor, opted for the latter without blinking.
So remember next time you want to wage a campaign against a philosophical school, it is essential that you choose a cute brand name, and get the equivalent of a Roman emperor to give you a shout-out on social media or something.
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